When The Lights Go Out
by adommyway
Summary: Frank and Gerard met at a hard consequences, but can their relationship save Frank from drugs addiction, and Gerard from suicide ?
1. Chapter 1

I panted as I walked down the street. Air was tearing my lungs as I inhaled. As air blew in my face, I tried not to tear and let the music in my ears distract me. As I reached the place I was aiming for, I smelt the familiar smell and tried not to gag. It was disgusting, but I couldn't resist taking it in.

I knocked on the familiar door. I can hear someone walking toward it, the door was open as i was dragged inside the room. I looked at a pair of hazel eyes I've never seen before. They were so beautiful.

"Hey Frank, Frank?" someone was waving a hand in front of my face, and then I turned to see who it was, it was my supplier.

"Frank. Long time, no see. What do you want now?" he frowned and looked away to see what I was looking at. "Oh, this is my boyfriend Gerard" he pointed at the guy with the hazel eyes. He had perfect black, long hair and perfect cheekbones.

"Hi Frank" he waved and smiled at me. I smirked and looked again at Bert. "Bert please, I'm dying. I know I still have money to pay, but just supply me this time and I'll give whatever you ask for", I pleaded... "Huh? That's what you always say, Frank. No supplies. Now get the fuck outta here." He grabbed my arms and pushed me towards the door. "W-wait I got this golden ring, is it enough?" He let go of my arms and looked at it. "Where did you get this from? Stole it, eh?" I looked down "n-no, it's from my mom" I tried to look him in the eyes so he'd believe me.

"Whatever. I'll take this as charge of your last supply"

"A-and what about now? Please, anything Bert, anything." "Nothing for now. I said NO SUPPLIES. OKAY, FRANK?"

My body was aching. I couldn't wait any longer. Two weeks without drugs is a slow death to me. I felt tears streaming down my face as I dropped to my knees pleading, but Bert didn't listen and grabbed my shirt trying to push me towards the door.

I struggled and kicked in the air, then I felt someone snapping at my shoulders as Bert let go of my shirt.

"Calm down Frank, let me take you down to your car." It was the guy with hazel eyes. I couldn't remember his name, but his eyes were mesmerizing. As soon as his eyes met mine, I calmed down right away. I don't even know how and why .

I stood up and wiped out my tears. He led the way out as I walked silently beside him. I tried to look at his eyes, but he was looking down. His cheeks were constantly bright pink. I found it cute that he's always shy.

When we reached my car, he held my arms with a hand and the other hand was in his pocket. He rolled out a small pack of cocaine and handed it to me. "That's the only way I can help you."

I didn't understand what was happening. I mean, his boyfriend refused to supply me, and then he just gives me some? I thanked him anyway and got into the car.

...

As Frank pulled over, I felt like shouting his name so he'd come back. I enjoyed the sight of him. My heart ached when heartless Bert knocked him down and let him cry.

It was heaven when I looked at his eyes. I felt so happy and safe when I was beside him. I don't know why I felt like that, but something strange in him affected me so much. Then I thought of Bert and tried to shove those feelings away.

I walked up the stairs and found Bert awaiting me in front of the door with anger filling his eyes.

"What were you doing down there with Frank?" "I walked him down to his car. You told me to do so", I said. "Did it take that long to walk him down?" I looked down at the ground. "Tell me, did it take that long?" he shouted before I could reply.

"You supplied him. I saw you from the balcony. You broke my word and supplied him." "N-no, I didn't. Bert, you're drunk. Please rest, Hun." I got closer to him, cupping his face in my hands so he'd calm down.

His breath smelt like rum. He was drunk.

"Let go." He pushed my hands away, and grabbed my hair. "Bert, no, no, please. It's not worth it. I only tried to help him." But then I felt a kick in my knee that made me fall down. "I'm sorry Bert. Swear I'll never do it again." He dragged me by the hair even harder.

"YOU FOOLED ME" he shouted as he dragged me by the hair. I struggled, but couldn't break free. He threw me onto the couch, and I felt a hard strike hit my face.

"YOU DON'T LOVE ME ANYMORE!" Another hit. I felt dizzy and a fluid was running down my cheeks. "I LOVE YOU SO MUSH GEE, BUT YOU DON'T. YOU ALWAYS TEAR ME DOWN!"

Another hit. "STOP, STOP!" Then he let go of my hair and got off of me. "Take this and wipe the blood on your face." He threw a napkin at my face. I took it and did as he said.

My cheeks were burning. I felt tears falling from my eyes. He looked at me and saw me crying. "Stop crying, Gee." I couldn't stop and tears got even denser. "I SAID FUCKING STOP CRYING" he shouted, looking me in the eyes.

I looked down and tried to swallow my tears .I felt him getting closer to me, and then he laid a hand on my thigh. I looked up and saw tears filling his eyes.

He leaned close to my face and looked in my eyes, I felt his hands creeping at my back as he leaned closer and kissed me. I didn't bear him close to me; I couldn't bear his lips on mine. I hated everything between us.

I felt so a long ago, but I knew, if I'd resist, he would hit me to death... I kissed him and tried to get my hands up his hair, but he pushed me away.

He bit his lips. "Take off your clothes", he said. I looked at him with fear. "Bert please not today, I want to go home. I'm really tired."

"GERARD TAKES YOUR FUCKING CLOTHES OFF. I'M NOT GONNA SAY IT AGAIN." "B-Bert plea-" "GERARD, NOW!"

I stood up and slowly took off my shirt. He looked at me with a dirty smirk on his face. "Look at this beautiful body", he said standing up.

I was about to unbutton my pants but he took my hands off of them. "Let me undo it for you, little hottie." He dropped to his knees to unbutton and unzip my pants.

He slowly did it and pulled my pants down. I shut my eyes tight and waited for him to do whatever he was going to do down there. He touched me down and dragged my boxer to my knees.

He touched my thighs with his lips and kissed on them while a hand was rubbing my balls. He started sucking and licking while looking up to me from time to time.

I tried to bury down my moans and tears, but as he sucked me down deep his throat, a painful moan escaped my mouth. He slowly got my cock out his mouth and giggled. "I was waiting for you, babe."

He pressed me down on the couch and took off his clothes as fast as hell. He got closer and held my knees to lift up my legs to his shoulders.

He fixed himself in front of my hole, and as he got closer I felt even sicker and more guilt filled me. I tried to gently push him away. "Sorry Bert, I can't, I'm sorry. I'm so not ready"

I dressed and got out as fast as I could.

***END OF CHAPTER ONE ***


	2. Chapter 2

The sun broke through my windows to lighten up my dismal, dark, filthy room. I couldn't move a limb; I couldn't get off the bed. My body was numb after yesterday's hits. My cheeks hurt so much. I forced myself to get up and headed to the bathroom.

I felt like I was going to pass out, but held my shit together. When I reached the bathroom I was terrified as I looked in the mirror. The old bruises got even worse and new ones showed on my cheeks. My cheeks were all red and looked horrible. I tried to ignore the pain of the bruises and the scars on my wrist. Took a shower, Got dressed, and then put makeup on to hide the bruises.

…..

I woke up to the sound of hard knocks on the door. I was lying on the floor helpless, I couldn't get up, and my body was aching even more after sniffing the last dose of cocaine. I'm grateful to that guy with hazel eyes though, he kind of saved my life.

The knocks got even harder on the door. Then I realized what I did yesterday. Shit, shit, shit it must be the cops. I was already in my skinny jeans so I put on yesterday's filthy shirt and chucks and rushed through the back door.

…..

I put on my makeup and sat down to drink my coffee waiting for Bert to pick me up. It was 11am so I still had two hours to spend alone.

My thoughts were getting worse day by day, I've been cutting for a whole week in a row, and it pains but makes me feel better. So I picked up my razor and stared at my distorted wrist. I tried not to cry or I'll ruin my makeup, but I couldn't help tears running down my face. I still couldn't understand how my life was two years ago and how it turned out to be now. I got the razor closer to my wrist and I dug into my flesh. I twitched in pain, but didn't care. I dug into my wrist again and felt the blood running.

The razor dropped as my phone rang. I tried to get on my feet and pick it up. As I reached to my phone I saw Bert's name. "Hello, babe." "Hey, Gerard. Sorry I can't pick you up today, I'm pretty busy." "B-but it's my birthday, Bert. I've been looking forward to today for so long." "Gerard, don't nag. I said I'm busy. Okay?" "But you promised." "We'll celebrate it later. I have more important things to do." "More important than me…" "Yeah Gerard, yeah." "Okay Bert." "You love me Gerard?" "Yes I do." "Okay, goodbye."

Tears dropped from my eyes as I hung up. Why am I crying? I always spend my birthday alone. I thought of how worthless I was as I put on my jacket to go out and celebrate my birthday on my own.

…..

I rushed down the street hoping no one would notice me, I kept running as far as I could. My body was weak, I needed drugs to keep me going on, but I knew if I stopped running I'd definitely get killed. Cold air was tearing my lungs inside. My nose was numb and my fingertips as well. As I wandered left and right, I thought of heading to Bert's place, but he would kill me as well. I kept running not even knowing where I was heading to. When I had made sure no one was following me anymore, I entered a coffee shop to get a coffee hoping it'd give me some strength. I ordered my latte and sunk down on my chair trying to hide the blood stains on my shirt. As I took the first sip of my latte, someone opened the door of the shop, I thought it was the cops, I didn't know what to do, I dropped my latte and sank into my chair hopelessly waiting for them to handcuff me .

I waited but no one appeared. I tried to peek and I found that everything was okay. I got up and ordered another latte. When I fixed my eyes, I found that guy with the hazel eyes sitting on the table in front of me. As his eyes caught my staring eyes I turned to the other side right away.

I paid for my latte and got out of the coffee shop still not knowing where to go. "Frank." "Fraaannkkk!" I heard someone calling my name. I ran my ass off, I felt someone running after me saying something but I couldn't understand. "Fraaaank I'm Gerard!" Gerard? Who's Gerard? Oh, he's the hazel eyed guy. I stopped and panted for a while. I felt his warm breath getting closer. "Frank, do you remember me?" I looked up at him. "Y-yes I do. I'm sorry; I thought you were someone else." "It's okay." He said, looking at my shirt. "I cut my finger by accident and a few drops found its way to my shirt." I replied quickly. "It's okay", he said smiling warmly at me. "Do you mind if I walk with you?" "Yeah it's okay."

After a pretty long walk together, talking about random things, making fun of people around, laughing at some silly jokes, I got really tired of walking. "How about we sit here?" I said looking toward a bench and hoped he could sit there. He simply went and sat down. I followed soon after taking a seat next to him. There was an awkward silence that took place between us. I was sure something would happen in a moment. I felt myself moving closer and his blush only continued to darken. He turned to look at me and he looked me directly in the eye. I felt drawn to him and saw him coming closer and closer, I knew I couldn't let this happen but I just couldn't pull away. We were an inch apart when I heard a sound of patrol car.

I pushed Gerard away, but he held my hands and ran away with me. We ran and we felt policemen were running after us. We ran till we made sure no one was following us anymore.

…

I ran with Frank not knowing what was actually happening, but I didn't care. All I cared about was Frank. Me and him. We were together. Holding hands and running under the pouring rain. I couldn't ask for anything better.

We stopped running when we couldn't feel anyone behind us anymore. I tried to let go of his hands but he held it tighter. He fell to his knees and started shivering and crying.

I didn't know what to do. But I couldn't bear seeing him crying. He started shivering and whimpering even harder. "Frank, Frank are you okay?" I held him in my arms and tried to calm him down. He was shaking more violently when his eyes went blank and passed out. "Frank. Frank can you hear me? Frank!" I cried and carried him rushing towards my house

I placed Frank gently on the couch and let the doctor close the room's door behind him as he left.

Although the doctor told me that he only needed rest and someone to take care of him, I was way too worried about him.

…

"Frank, Frank can you hear me?" I heard a soft voice calling, but everything was black. I slowly opened my eyes and tried to function. "Oh My God, Frank. I was so worried."

That's what Gerard said while hugging me. "I'm okay. Don't worry" he tried to let go, but I hugged even tighter. It felt good being in Gerard's arms. "Thanks, Gerard. This means the world to me." I kissed his bright pink soft cheeks. He said nothing, and turned his face to head to the kitchen. Yeah, that's when his lips touched mine by accident. Both of our faces froze an inch away from one another. He pulled me towards him violently and kissed on my neck. I pulled him even closer while stroking his hair. He slowly pulled my shirt up till I took it off. My hands found its way to his pants to undo it. I honestly didn't want to do this, but he was so irresistible. As we both undressed ourselves, his sweet strawberry scent filled my lungs, it was pretty odd 'cause I'm used to only smell toxic, disgusting drugs. "But Frank, you're still ill, and we're not supposed to do this" he said looking down. I didn't care if I was ill or not. I just wanted him. I held him in my arms and softly kissed him. I ran my tongue all over his sweet, babyish soft skin. When I reached down to his private, I immediately lifted his legs up my shoulders "if you're not ready for this, Gerard. We just ca-". "Get into me. NOW" he interrupted. I lifted his legs higher, fixed myself, and pushed slowly to let the head in. I pushed into him harder till I totally filled him. He twitched in pleasure, several moans escaped his mouth, and his thighs thrusted really quickly.

…

Afterwards, I got up and decided to make Frank something to eat. He must be starving. "Okay Frank. I'll go prepare something to eat. And you stay here. Don't fall asleep. Okay?" "Okay, I'll be waiting…"

I was just about to take the chicken pot off the stove when Frank's phone rang. "Frank. Are you awake still? Your phone is ringing" I went back to the room to see if he's still awake. Awe, sweetheart is asleep. I know he was tired, but I wanted to make sure he didn't feel hungry. The phone cut off the moment. It was ringing for the third time in a row, so I decided to pick it up. "Hello. I'm not Fra-". "Hi, Frank. Look, I know what you did, and I'm not going to let it pass. Though you can't resurrect the dead, and can't clean the blood off your hands, but if you did what I tell you to do, I'll let the police take their eyes off of you, and you'll be charged. Wait for out next call."

What was that? What did Frank do? He killed someone? What? How? No! My thoughts started messing with my head before someone knocked on the door. Who the hell was that? It was 4am!

I rushed angrily toward the door and opened it…. "Happy birthday to you. Happy birthday to you. Happy birthday to my love Gerard. Happy birthday to you!" "B-bert?"

**END OF CHAPTER TWO**


	3. Chapter 3

"B-bert?" "Happy birthday, sweetie. I thought we'd have a special celebration tonight." Fear got over me and I didn't even know what to reply. I froze in my place and my mouth refused to utter a word. "Gerard, are you okay?" he waved a hand in front of my face.

What will he do when he find out that I slept with Frank? That's the only thought that kept bouncing in my head. Would he kill me? Beat me to death? Kill Frank? Kill us both? I didn't know.

"Won't you let me in? What is wrong with you?" "Sure, come in. sorry, I was asleep so I can't really function" I said. "It's okay, hun. Now let's celebrate on our own" he winked at me as he got closer and buried his face in my neck. "Thanks, Bert, but I've never celebrated my birthday before. So it's okay. I just need to sleep" I said when I stroked his hair. "Well, can I sleep over tonight then?" then he kissed on my neck. "the house is really a mess, Bert. We can spend the night together but tomorrow?" "come on Gerard. It's your birthday and we're supposed to be "baby making" tonight" he giggled. "Or… You don't want to be with me tonight?" he frowned. "No no. of course I want you to be with me" I hesitated. "umm. Should we head directly to the bedroom then? " he said as taking his shirt off. "NO. NO. what about a little walk outside? No one's gonna be out and we can do whatever we want." "Gerard! What even. It's 4am and raining as hell outside. We'd literally freeze. Now get ready. This is gonna be massive I don't want you to forget your birthday night this year." He winked.

Should I face the fact that he will sure find this out and prepare my coffin, and make sure my way of death won't be written on my gravestone 'cause that will be so dramatic to write "beaten till death by his boyfriend for sleeping with a man"? or just kill myself. Yeah that's a whole lotta better. Besides that what I always thought about doing. And here, I have a really strong reason to do it. This moment felt like forever. I was awake by my day dreaming by Bert's voice howling "YOU FUCKING BUSTARD"

Bert is standing on his heels in front of the bedroom, he rushed into it and heard Frank's voice slightly screaming. I ran as fast as I could 'cause I'm sure as hell Bert would kill him. "NO BERT. LEAVE HIM. LET GO. KILL ME BUT LEAVE HIM" he was squeezing on his windpipe with both hands as sitting on him. "FUCKING LET GO, BERT" he wasn't listening. He kept on growling in anger and squeezed even harder. "you're worried about him" he said as tears falling from his eyes. I tried to push him off of him. Frank kicked him in the back with his legs and Bert's hands loosened. Frank pulled himself up and pushed Bert away. Bert fell on my chest and I fell after him. He turned to me and I felt a hard slap on my face. "I'LL KILL, YOU FUCKING BUSTARD" And another slap on the other side. He punched me, and punched again, another punch. Then he grabbed my hair and bashed my head against the wall. I was about to pass out when kicked in my stomach. I puked on the floor and probably coughed out blood. Then he got off of me all of a sudden.

I couldn't open my eyes when I heard a gun loading. I didn't want Bert's face to be the last to see. I didn't want to see my lover pointing a gun at me even though I cheated on him. I felt like smiling 'cause at this moment I knew everything will be over. All the pain will end. My sleepless nights will end. The pain and guilt of cutting myself will end. Bert's beating will end. My life will end. Oh how sweet it feels. I waited for my last breath to fade. I waited for my soul to get out of my body. I waited for the pain to fade, but this moment felt like never coming. Bert didn't shoot me. I didn't feel the bullet tearing my brain. Did I die? Did it happen already? But I still can feel blood drowning and pain as sharp as never before.

I slowly opened my eyes when I heard a hard slam and a huge body falling against the floor. I saw blood running from Bert's head and Frank on his knees with a shovel in hands and crying. "what have you done, Frank!. WHAT DID YOU DO? YOU KILLED BERT!" "I'm sorry. He was about to kill you, Gerard. I'm sorry" he said with a thick voice for he was crying.

….

"I'm sorry, Gerard. I'm very sorry " I cried even more when I saw him crying. "Bert open your eyes. Bert can you hear me? Bert breathe baby. You'll be okay. YOU'LL NOT DIE. NO BERT, YOU'LL NOT DIE. YOU'LL NOT LEAVE ME ALONE. FUCKING OPEN YOUR EYES. PLEASE" he shook his head violently and cried really loud. "why can't he hear me, Frank? He's not dead" he shook me by the shoulders.

I looked in his red tired eyes and tried to slowly wrap him in my arms. "it's okay, Gerard. I'll stay with you forever. I'll never leave. I promise" I could feel him shaking in my arms and still crying. I tried to swallow my tears and held him closer. After some pretty long time of trying to make him stop crying, he got and looked at me with his red, tired swollen eyes and blood was drowning from his cheekbones. "why did you do this! Bert was the only one left for me. Why, Frank! I know he hits me and makes my life a living hell, but at least I know that he's only one who loves me." He cried. "I love you, Gerard" I said. He didn't reply and put his both hand on his and sobbed again. His black, soft hair slowly fell to hide his face. "I'm sorry, Gerard" I whispered. "STOP SAYING SORRY. HE'S DEAD AND WILL NEVER BE BACK AGAIN" he shouted at me with tears trapped between his eyelids. "I'm so weak, Frank. I'm nothing without Bert. I'm nothing at all" he murmured.

Now what I'm I supposed to do? I killed two men, raped and stole. And now I'm stuck with a guy that has nothing to do with the troubles that I'm about to get him in. I won't leave him, but I don't want him to suffer with me 'cause his life with me will be even more miserable than with Bert.

"We have to get out of here, Gerard" I said. He was laying on the floor tired, and blood was drowning from everywhere in his body. He coughed blood. "ca-can you move?" I held his hand "I'm okay. Where are we going to go?" he put his other hand on mine, but didn't open his eyes. "I don't know, but we'll find anywhere to go. I can pack whatever you want, and I'll help you walk. I'm sorry, but we have to get out of here as soon as we can. "Okay. I'll just go change my clothes" he tried to get up, but his body was so weak. He tried to push himself up again, but failed. He cried on the floor helpless. "It's okay, Gerard. Is it okay if I helped you to change your clothes?" "O-okay" he said as crying. I opened the closet and got him a red shirt and black jeans for him. I got on my knees and slowly tried to take his shirt off. "Gerard can you please raise your arms so I can take off the shirt?" "it it hurts" "Please try, baby" I kissed on his forehead. He forced himself and I took it off quickly. I put on his red shirt and undid and pulled his blood soaked pants down. They were so tight that it took me effort to take them off. "oh. you really wears super skinny jeans" I giggled. He blushed and looked away. I smiled and wore him the other clean pants.

He held my hands as the cold breeze blew when we opened the door. "where are we going to go?" "we would stay at any motel or something" I said. He shrugged his shoulders and hooked his arm tightly to mine. It was very dark and cold outside. We walked through streets with cars blowing their horns and birds flapping their wings above us.

"there's something that I need to tell you, Gerard" I broke the silence. "what is it" his eyes widened. "I I killed a man and and…" "and what?" he was still holding my hand "and raped his wife for the sake of drugs and money." He said nothing, and slowly let go of my hand as he stepping back. "Gerard, please listen"

…

I didn't know what to do. I was confused. My feelings were mixed. I wanted to run away, but it wasn't only that my body was weak, it's also that something strange kept me stuck to Frank and told me not to leave him no matter what. He needed me just as much I needed him.

I took a step, and another two away. "Gerard, Plea-" "GO AWAY" I shouted. "please" he said. I flinched away when he held my hands. "please understand" I froze in my place and waited for him to explain".

"there was a lot of pressure on me. I needed drugs to live, but had no money. Bert threatened me many times that if I didn't pay the previous charges he'd kill me. My family left on the first month they knew I was a drug addict. They refused to give me money, and threw me out of the house when I stole my step dad's wallet. I had nowhere to go. I couldn't get any job 'cause of the black bags that grew under my eyes and how I'm always semi-unconscious, which made it so blood obvious that I'm a drugs addict. I struggled to survive till an anonymous man saved me. I didn't know him and I still don't. he found me a place to stay, gave me food, money, and everything I needed. But I had to pay for all of this by killing a man and and to rape his wife." He paused and looked down. " he told me to do so and he will give me money and any amount of drugs I'd ask for, but if I refused, he'd take everything away, and will throw me in jail" a long pause. Tears fell from his eyes. "I had to do it. I needed everything he offered me. But I needed to get drugs first to do it. And that's when I met you at Bert's place. I felt comfortable when you were around. I kinda fell in love with you from the first sight, Gerard. I thought of stopping myself from doing it after meeting you, but I knew you'll never be mine. So I headed straight to the man's place after leaving Bert's. I did it, but no one showed up to give me my money and drugs when police knew about it and started chasing me. And here I'am, killed your boyfriend and made your life even worse than it actually was." He paused again. I was setting on the wet ground and he fell to me and cried. "I'm sorry, Gerard. I'm an actual mess. I screw everything up and that's exactly what I did to your life. I'll understand if you just leave me behind and go on, but I need you, Gerard. I really need you so much" his voice was thick and eyes full of tears. He covered his face with his hands and shivered of the cold air as he cried.

I didn't know what to do. I was confused, but I knew that I'll never leave him. I cupped his in my hands. He didn't look at me and kept on crying. "I'm I'm sorry, Gera-" "shush" I put a finger on his lips. I leant close to his face and pressed my lips to his. "I love you" he murmured as kissing me. I stroked his hair, and our lips moved smoothly like a symphony. It was the most passionate kiss I've ever had.

I opened my eyes when Frank lips trembled and heard a gun loading.

**END OF CHAPTER THREE**


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